Want to know about “intentions behind intentions?”
Only once and recently, have I heard of such a thing. Said by a man about a woman who preceded me. (It seemed, to me, an awfully strenuous practice to think not once, but two times back in history, in search of negativity. I, choose to see good. I like the world better that way.)
Same man, different conversation: he disclosed, and I quote, his “plan,” preconceived to my arrival, to “make [me] fall in love with [him].” I thought, ‘that’s cute…’ But, ‘no shot, man!’ All he’d known of me was my picture, I questioned him. But he had read (or, maybe, researched) my writing; my writing is me, I believed in him.
Not with intention, nor expectation, but with full heart, I walked through his gate. Never broken, however, wounded heart, in my hand, I carried out.
What a fucking pawn I am! Because he did exactly what he INTENDED to do (WHAT HE TOLD ME HE’D DO), and unbeknownst to me, I did too.
And today, he posted this:
To which I responded in comment:
Moments later, the post was removed.
“Om. Shanti. Shanti. Om.”
Together in Love,
xob
BODY BY BIANCA 
Dee Jay,
I didn’t block you. I have no reason to. You can freely say what you wish. I know only my experience and that is solely about which I write. But if you want to spell it out, spell it out. Yes, I ate some of your food, which I also cooked for you and plated beautifully with love, just for you. I contributed to groceries (though perhaps not as much as you) and took you out twice to eat as a show of my gratitude. I helped you, or I tried to, every moment I thought of you. I carried for you when I knew you couldn’t and I cared for you because I wanted to. I don’t know why you chose to see the negative in me, when I let so much slide to see only good in you. I cleaned your bloody wounds, even when the blood scared me. It’s true that once I was hurried and you calmed me so I could continue more carefully. But every other time?
“It is what it is” right? Only “what it is” is different for me as “it is” for you. I do not regret the time I spent with you, nor the act of falling for you. You were so kind with me, until you were not, so suddenly. I saw anger through your eyes, blackness in your soul, you set out to hurt me. You were relentless in your assassination of me. I didn’t deserve the way you treated me. I did not earn the words you had for me. Naturally, I cried over you, but unnaturally for me, I pleaded to you. If you were so conscious, you would have opened your eyes to see what was right there in front of you. Lest you forget, I extended my trip for you because you asked me to, to be with you. In the end, you didn’t see me, as I saw you. Of course the lover I saw two days ago was not the tyrant I saw yesterday. I didn’t like him at all.
Together Indifference,
xob