The way pizza night unfolded was brilliant. Like a comedy of errors, the Universe put on a play last night! First, I met my Goddess sister. I’ll call her Conscious. She recognized me as her Soul Sister, and introduced me to her Guide, of whom she referred as her “parting gift” to me as in recent days, Conscious has met her partner, fallen deeply in love, and will be setting off by sailboat to circle the world.
“I must introduce you to Bianca,” Conscious began, “our Spirit Sister on the verge of un-Earthing her full Goddess self.”
“Well, however did you know?” With a wink, and a smile (she can SEE me), I’ll play.
I’ve known Conscious for some time as she teaches yoga at the hotel (I’ve made my office) near my home in Nicaragua, and while I could never bring myself to remember her name, I was always so happy to see her smiling face as her hugs had a way of penetrating my being. There are some people for whom hugs are a meeting of body and soul. Maybe you have felt this? Maybe you, too, will have this pleasure one day… Certainly, that is my hope for you.
So connected am I with Conscious, that the same woman intent on causing me pain has been after her too. Remember the Bully? The “Other“? The blond Malificent, a fugitive of her former life in Canada, a bandita, a fraud, a childnapper, an energy sucker, formerly my neighbor though never my friend in El Camino del Sol, who made the destruction of my life her life’s ambition? With relentless pursuit, she had been after my Sister Conscious too.
So, why am I bullied when I have only love to give? Easy. “You’re a B.I.T.C.H: BEAUTIFUL. INTELLIGENT. TALENTED. CHARMING, and HOT.” Conscious explained. The more she spoke, the more I learned. The I learned, the more I yearned. The more she shared, the more I saw myself in her. She SEES me. I see Conscious. Time and again, a tear would form and fall. Living on the edge of a world you were born into, no longer from there but not yet where you’re going, can be a lonely experience. FEAR NOT. “Keep going…” Conscious directed, almost in warning. “Keep moving…” along your path. “Keep WORKING.” Of course, “work” is different than it used to be. Employed now by Her (not Conscious, but HER: The Universe, my Mother, my Father, my God), I am taken care of. I want and need for nothing as The Universe provides for me. TRUST. I no longer need money.
…Women will be envious of your position, and men will be threatened by your power. Then there are the Unknowing who simply will not understand you. Because people fear what they do not understand, the Unknowing, in their attempt to define you will try to confine you. It can be lonely living differently. Tonight I will be your student, Conscious teach me. “Adrienne was once where you stand: young, beautiful, and on the cusp of enlightenment. But she didn’t make it through, so she’s envious of you. She sees your power and the greatness ahead of you. But she was left behind.”*
SHE DIDN’T MAKE IT. These words hit me hard, sending a quiver of what I can only describe as Fear through me… What if I don’t make it? Of my place, I am fully aware that I. Am. Not. Quite… There. But, of where I am going, I can see there is no place better for me. PARADIS.
FEAR NOT. KEEP GOING. As my entire existence here in Nicaragua is the realization of a manifestation. I must continue to believe.
This past week, I met Em. A traveler staying at Mango Rosa. A passer-through. A girl intent on fighting me. And not just me, but everyone. My first interaction with her, also at Pizza (I must either stop going to pizza, or keep going to pizza) she bitched me out for no good reason. I was crowding her space, she said. While I should have felt sorry that my presence was too much for her to bear, I allowed her instead to get to me. Admittedly, I still have “work” to do. Em was a BITCH too, Conscious verified, but in an elementary stage. Em is fighting hurt. It’s true, she was so angry. I wasn’t enlightened enough to see past her approach. She was mean. But I was sensitive enough to feel her. I mirrored her pain. She angered me. Until last night, I couldn’t understand why I felt so disturbed. I am not angry. It’s only recently that I have started channeling. This gift can still confuse me.
As if meeting my soul sisters wasn’t enough, the play that night was only just beginning to unfold. Do remember the man whose Spirit Preceded Him and the beautiful surfista chica with cascading, sun-bleached waves who captured and stole his attention one year ago at Revolucion? Well A is now my friend, and the Mayor is just another lost soul, I now recognize as not fully connected. For months I wondered how, if I truly hold the capacity to see inside of you, that it could be possible to have been so mislead by him. Now, I know that what I saw some time ago really was his spirit. And both the beauty of his light as well as my recollection of it were true: His Spirit “PRECEDED” Him. Literally, his Spirit walks with him, but not IN him. The Mayor has not committed to his guide. He’s not connected.
*NOTE: this quote was later revised with “yet.” She hasn’t made it through YET.
BODY BY BIANCA 